


Blue's Clues

by Loki_Way



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Based on Love Simon, Bullying, Falling In Love, Fluff, Homophobia, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Internalized Homophobia, Love Simon Spoilers, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, No Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-10 16:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15295296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Way/pseuds/Loki_Way
Summary: Martin Addison (or Monkey's Asshole) leaks Simon's emails with Blue to the Tumblr. After spending the entirety of winter break at home alone, afraid his friends will hate him, Simon eventually has to return to school and his friends. Upon returning Simon finds out that his friends don't hate him, but want to help him find Blue. Actually, his friends are determined to find Blue. With Simon's help and the emails to guide them, they go on a mission to help Simon figure out just who Blue is.Sidenote: This story contains spoilers for who Blue is, so if you haven't read the book or seen the movie, then definitely do one or both before reading if you don't want spoilers. You have been warn.~~~Or the fanfic where Simon's friends don't abandon him, but are actually there for him.





	1. Anal Buttsex: the Redundancy

**Author's Note:**

> I've proof read this chapter many times, but I know there are still errors, I'm sorry. 
> 
> This story is a republished version of the same story, I wrote on my wattpad account, but I also wantes to upload it here. 
> 
> Thank you to anyone that reads this! It means the world!

Simon sat and stared at his computer for hours, or maybe it's only been five minutes, Simon couldn't tell anymore. The words failed permanently stared back at him. There was only one thought going through his mind; _Blue was gone._ He really was gone.

Silent tears fell down his checks as Simon suddenly slammed his laptop shut, no longer able to stare at the screen. _This is all Martin's fault,_ Simon thought to myself. He felt his heart breaking. His entire world was falling apart.

The sudden vibration of his phone going off pulled Simon out of his trace. He stared at the caller i.d. to see Leah trying to call him again. He quickly turned his phone off. Simon wasn't ready for all the questions, or the explanation he would have to give about the post and emails. It was easier to turn his phone off because then he could turn off the world.

Simon crawled into bed and covered his entire body in blankets, determined to shut the world out. He just wanted to sleep for the rest of his life. No more worrying about his family, friends, asshole Martin, or even Blue.

With a deep sigh, Simon closed his eyes and turned his mind off. The world was finally silent around him.  
_________

Winter break was finally over, and it was time to go back to school and his friends. Simon spent all break thinking about what going back meant. Would he be bullied for being gay? Would the word _**fag**_ be carved into his locker? Would his friends hate him for what he did? There were so many more thoughts going through his head, each one worst than the last.

He tried to calm himself down and quickly threw on a t-shirt and his favorite gray hoodie, along with a pair of jeans. He tried to avoid heading downstairs and seeing his family, but he knew he would have to eventually.

With a final glance in the mirror, Simon headed downstairs, determined to quickly grab his keys and avoid his family at all costs.

He reached the front door with his keys in hand when he heard his mother call his name from the kitchen. "Simon come sit down for a second," she said softly.

Simon took a deep breath and turned towards the kitchen. His mother was sitting at the head of the table, with his father to the right of her. His sister, Nora, stood at the stove, making her famous chocolate chip pancakes.

Instead of sitting at the table, Simon stood by the kitchen counter staring at his feet. After several minutes of no one talking, Simon broke the silence. "I need to go, or I'm going to be late," he said.

He quickly left the kitchen, ignoring the protests from his mother, who was still sitting at the table.

He started his car and pulled out of the driveway, heading straight to school and silently hoping his friends could find their way to school today.

After the silence of the car left him feeling uncomfortable, Simon scrolled through his iPod and turned on "Waltz #2" by Elliott Smith, his favorite song; after all, it was the song where he found inspiration for his email address.

He imagined listening to this song with Blue many times. It would just be the two of them and Elliott Smith playing in the background.

Simon suddenly shook his head, trying to forget all about Blue. Blue was gone, and he wasn't coming back. It pained him to think of Blue, even if he didn't know his name or what he looked like.

When he got to school, he pulled into his usual parking spot near the front of the school. There were already a number of students walking towards the entrance. With a final deep breath, Simon grabbed his bag and headed towards the Creekwood High School.

Simon went straight to his locker to grab his English and History books before going to class. When he got to his locker, he was surprised to find no one had carved the word _**fag**_ into his locker. He slowly let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and walked towards his first-hour class.

Through English, Simon tried to avoid his friends and sat as far away as he could from them. He couldn't stand the thought of having to face them right now. _What if they hate me?_ Simon thought to himself.

After first period, second period passed in a blur and without anyone yelling homophobic slurs at him. Simon was generally surprised by the lack of hate. Was Shady Creek suddenly Liberal? Or was something waiting for him around the corner?

He didn't have too much time to think about it as he made his way to the lunch room. While in line, Simon spotted his friend's Nick, Leah, and Abby sitting at their usual table, along with cute Bram, Garrett, Anna, and Morgan. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he made this way to the table.

He took a seat next to Leah and across from Nick, who had his arm wrapped around Abby's shoulders. "Hey guys," he said slowly and carefully to make sure his voice didn't break.

He looked at his friend's faces and expected to see anger and bitterness, but instead what he saw was completely different. His friends were smiling at him.

Finally breaking the silence, Abby said, "So tell us how you meant this Blue you've been talking to!" Simon blushed and tried to look away, avoiding their staring eyes. "Come on Simon! You have to tell us," Leah chimed in. Simon was at a lost for words. This was the last thing he thought he would be talking about with his friends sitting around him.

After a moment, Simon cleared his throat and answered, "Do you remember the Creeksecrets post on Tumblr from the closeted gay kid Leah told me about?" He looked around and waited, and after they nodded he continued, "Well I created a Gmail account and emailed him as hourtohour.notetonote@gmail and w-"  
"Like the lyrics of Elliott Smith's Waltz #2?" Leah asked.  
"Yeah," Simon said, answering her question before continuing with his train of thought.  
"After I created the email, I sent him an email, and we started talking. We couldn't share anything to personal, because then we would know each other's identifi-"  
"Wait, so is that why you signed off as Jacques in your emails?" Abby asked, interpreting this time.  
"Well Blue was his Superhero identify, so I needed one too. Jacques comes from Jacques a dit or 'Simon Says' in French," he answered with a blush as he explained his secret codename to his friends. He thought Jacques was clever, and so did Blue when he figured it out.

"Anyway, we've been talking back and forth ever since. Well...." Simon suddenly became quite as he remembered the words from when he last tried to email Blue over winter break.  
"What is it, Simon?" Abby asked, taking his hand in hers.  
"Blue deleted his email address. The CreekSecrets post probably scared him away, and now I have no way of communicating with him. He never gave me his number...." Simon said sadly, trying to keep his tears from falling.

He looked around the table, his eyes meeting Bram's for the first time since he sat down; however Bram quickly looked down, staying silent as usual.

"Well then, we have to figure out who Blue is so you two can fall in love and be happily ever after!" Leah said with excitement.  
"WHAT?!" Simon shouted a little too loudly. He lowered his voice and said, "What do you mean figure out who Blue is? I've been talking to him for months, and I still couldn't figure out who he was."  
"Well that's because you were probably using Simon logic, instead of real logic," Nick joked.

Simon sat silently, thinking. Maybe he could have his friends help him find Blue. "What did you have in mind?" He asked out of curiosity. It wouldn't hurt to hear what they had planned.  
"You could tell us what you know, and we could go over everything with you? Maybe one of us will notice something you haven't," Leah said.

Simon shook his head. This was a bad idea. "I don't know. Blue was careful; he didn't want to be found. I don't think this is a good idea."  
"Don't you want to know who he is?" Nick asked.  
"Well, yeah, but we have to think about Blue too. If he wanted people to know who he was, he would have told me," Simon tried to explain. This was wrong. He would be betraying Blue's trust.

"Simon, come on! We have to do this. He deleted his email, and you don't have his number. The only option now is to find him and talk to him face to face," Leah said with everyone, but Bram, nodding their heads in agreement.  
"I don't know," Simon said quietly. He wanted to know who Blue was, but this felt wrong.

Simon closed his eyes and imagined Blue in his bed talking about Little Fetus and listening to Elliott Smith. He wanted this more than anything.  
"Alright," he said finally agreed.  
"Perfect!" Abby said and continued, "Who's in to help Simon find Blue?"  
"I am!" Nick replied.  
Leah nodded her head.  
"I," said Morgan.  
"Me too," Anna answered.  
"I'll help too!" Garrett said with a smile.

Everyone stared at Bram, waiting for his answer. He looked down as he talked, "I don't know guys. It sounds like this Blue doesn't want anyone to know who he is."  
"Oh come on Bram! You're the smartest one here; you have to help us! Don't you want Simon to be happy?" Garrett asked him.  
"Well, yeah, but...." he looked into Simon's moon-gray eyes and lost his train of thought.  
"Alright, I guess. I'll help however I can," Bram finally said.

"Yes! This is perfect! Alright then Simon, tell us everything you know about Blue," Abby said with a smirk.


	2. Simon Logic vs. Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I proof read this story so many times, but I'm sure there are still some errors and for that I'm sorry. Sidenote, I'm taking summer class at my community college to get ahead since I'm a semester behind where I should be. My last class is ending this Thursday, but that means I have my final coming up, so I don't know when Chapter 3 will be get uploaded, since I haven't started it yet. I want to say around Thursday evening or Friday, but I'm really not sure, sorry.

Simon blushed as he thought about telling his friends about Blue. "Well....I'm not sure where to start. What do you want to know?" Simon asked his friends. 

His friends were silent for a moment, each taking a moment to think. Finally, Abby spoke up saying, "Why don't we start at the beginning. What was the email address he used again?"   
"Bluegreen118@gmail.com was the address he used," Simon said.   
"Bluegreen118," Leah repeated, thinking out loud. "Why 118? I don't think those numbers are random. What do you think they can mean?"   
"It could be a specific time or date, such as a birthday?" Nick suggested, looking towards Simon. 

Simon took a moment to think before answering, "Maybe, but whose birthday is January 18th?"   
Garrett turned towards Bram, who has been silent since the conversation about Blue began. "Isn't January 18th your birthday?" Garrett asked Bram.   
Bram tried to hide his blushing, but said, "Yeah it is." 

Simon looked at cute Bram, with the soft eyes and soccer calves, and for a brief moment he felt his heartbeat speed up. They stared at each other in silence, before Leah interpreted, breaking through the tension in the air.

"Well a lot of people share birthdays, so let's conclude that Blue's birthday is the 18th, and continue," Leah said.   
"Alright, we figured out what 118 means, but why do you think he chooses 'Bluegreen' or why he chose the name Blue in the first place?" Abby asked.   
"Blue has to mean something to him, like how Simon chose the name, Jacques. It could be a nickname, a play off of his name, or-"   
Simon cut him off and said, "Blue said that he shared a name with a former US president and a little known comic book character."   
"Who in Shady Creek shares a name with a former president?" Nick asked.   
"Calvin," Simon said simply. "I thought Blue was Cal, but it wasn't," Simon told his friends.  
"Why did you think Cal was Blue?" Garrett said, finally speaking after being silent for quite some time.   
"He said he was going to the middle of nowhere for a holiday, just like Blue told me. Plus, Cal has blue eyes, and-"   
Leah interpreted Simon with a laugh. "That's Simon logic at it's finest," she said through laughter. 

Anna looked at Simon with curiosity in her eyes. "Simon you said you thought Cal was Blue, why don't you anymore?" she asked him softly.   
"Blue said he knew who I was, so I thought I would try to guess who he was. I was wrong though, but that's how I found out Blue was named after a former president," Simon answered, embarrassed by his logic.   
"Well, we can cross Cal off the list. Who else do we know that shares a name with a former president?" Nick asked.   
"Martin Van Buren. The eighth President of the United States," Morgan pointed out. Simon stared at her and shook her head with a panic. "No! Martin is not Blue! He can't be..." Simon said, his voice breaking in desperation.

"Simon, please calm down, I was only joking. There's no way Martin is Blue," Morgan said trying to calm him down.   
"This isn't a joke Morgan! I-I love him," Simon said and blushed as he realized what he said. Despite the embarrassment, he was also angry. His friends were making jokes, but in reality, he was afraid. He never felt this way about anyone else before.

Simon took a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm sorry about my outburst, but...I love him. I don't know if it's possible to fall in love over email, but it's true. I'm in love with him," he paused before speaking again, "I'm afraid Blue doesn't love me back. How could he, when he deleted his email?" Simon looked towards his friends, with tears in his eyes. Everyone but Bram, who was staring at the floor, looked at Simon with sadness in their eyes.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Simon. I know this isn't a joke. All of us will take this seriously, no more jokes," Morgan said.   
"Alright," said Nick, "Should we get back into our investigation?" Everyone nodded their heads.

"So who is named after a former US president?" Leah asked, recapping what they were previously talking about.

Garrett patted Bram on the shoulder with a smile on his face. "Dear Abraham here is named after a former president," he said with excitement.   
"Your name is Abraham?" Simon asked looking at Bram. "How did I not know that?"

Bram looked at Simon and then the others, everyone was looking at him, especially Garrett. "Yeah...." He said with a pause, before continuing, "Bram is the shorten version of Abraham. It's the nickname my mother gave me when I was little. Then Garrett found out when he came over to the house for the first time since I moved here. He started using Bram too as a way to mock me, using it to call me a 'mamma's boy'" he said, trying to hide the panic that was slowly rising within him. He was rambling, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence and the ease the tension that was beginning to build.

Garrett laughed and said, "So your birthday is January 18th, and you're named after a former US president. Is there something you want to tells us?" 

Bram stared at him in shock, the rising fear within him only got worse. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but before he could, Garrett laughed again and said, "I'm just kidding, calm down Bram. No one is accusing you of being gay. Plus, we all know you're straight." 

Bram stared at him, blank face, not sure how to answer him. They stared at each other with no one talking. Garrett's eyes suddenly got bigger and just continued to stare at him like he was putting all the pieces together. Bram turned away from him, not wanting anything to show on his face. However, he ended up making eye contact with Simon instead. 

Simon and Bram looked at each other again, and this time Simon saw the blush that was spreading across Bram's face. He felt the quicken of his heartbeat and looked at Bram's face for the first time. Simon could see he was hiding something behind his smile and soft eyes.

In the corner of his eye, Bram could see Garrett looking at him still, with a knowing look in his eyes. Bram tried to keep his breathing even but could feel his airway started to close with the building anxiety, but if Garrett knew anything, he hasn't said anything yet. 

Finally, Garrett broke the silence, still looking at Bram with a sad smile, before he turned to the others at the table and said, "I think we should stop this. I'm starting to get second thoughts. How do we know Blue even wants to be found? From what Simon has told us so far, it kind of sounds like he isn't ready to be out of the closet, and if we keep looking, that means all of us will know his secret when he doesn't want anyone to know." 

Everyone was quiet for a moment, but Leah broke the silence saying, "But if we don't continue, Simon will never get to know who Blue is." 

"That's true, but we have to look at this from Blue's point of view," Garrett argued. "A secret email, code names, it couldn't be more obvious that Blue doesn't want people to know who he is."   
"Why are you suddenly so concerned now? Before you were so eager to help, but now you want to stop?" Abby argued back. Suddenly her eyes grew wider, "Oh my God! You know who Blue is, don't you?" she accused. 

"W-what? No!" he tried to say.  
Leah smiled, "You so do Laughlin! Tells us right now!" She said shouting.   
Everyone, but Bram who had his hands covering his mouth, stared at him, waiting for him to reveal who Blue was. 

"Uhhhh......" Garrett said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure how to end this chapter, but I thought this was a good place. I'm not sure how long this story is going to be, but I have a few ideas I want to play with. Thanks again to anyone that reads this. :)


	3. Bram's Touching Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A character experiences an anxiety attack and if that is something that might trigger you, feel free to skip over that part. Anxiety attacks are very different for everyone, and for this chapter, I wrote from my own experience with them and used a technique that my therapist taught me on how to deal with them. I have updated the tags as well to include anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been way to long since I updated this, and I'm not going to bother with any excuses. I didn't think I was going to continue this story, but my sister wanted more and it felt rude not to at least finish. So finally: here's chapter 3!

The sudden ring of the bell, signaling the end of lunch, cut through the silence that fell around them. Everyone was still looking at Garrett when Bram shot out of his seat, grabbed his bag and headed towards the door, practically running out of the room.

With a deep sigh, Garrett turned towards the others, confusion written on their faces. "I don't know who Blue is, but I'm done trying to help you find out who he is. Blue doesn't want to be found, and if you keep looking, then we aren't any better then Martin," Garrett said standing up, and before leaving through the same door Bram used.

The others stared at each other, confused. Simon shook his head before throwing away his abandoned food. "Maybe he's right. Finding Blue would mean outing him, and that's the same shit Martin did," Simon said with a sad sigh. "I need to get to History. We can talk more about this later," Simon said, leaving the lunch room with his head down, leaving the others to watch.

For the rest of the day, no one spoke about finding Blue; however, Bram was acting strange all day. Garrett was struggling to even be in the same room as him, let alone, have a conversation with him.

Bram kept his head down and avoided Garrett like he was the plague. He knew Garrett had figured out he was Blue and although he was happy it wasn't Simon or any of the others that had figured it out, Bram couldn't shake the anxiety that challenged to overwhelm him. The fear of not knowing how Garrett was going to react made him feel nauseated and anxious. Garrett had been his best friend since he moved to Shady Creek and he couldn't bear the idea of losing him. As much as he wanted to know how Garrett felt, the idea of him rejecting him was enough to keep him away. It was easier to avoid him. Bram spent the rest of the day avoiding Garrett.

It was the end of the day, and Bram knew he should go to soccer practice, but that would mean facing Garrett, and he wasn't ready for that right now.

He looked down the hallway, trying to spot Garrett and when he didn't see him, he quickly went out the front doors and made his way to his car. When he finally reached his car, Bram opened the driver-side door and started the car, but he didn't pull away immediately. He just needed one minute to clear his head. He closed his eyes and put his head against the steering wheel. He took a few deep breaths, to try to combat the anxiousness he was still feeling.

The sound of the passenger door opening startled him and he turned to see what was happening. To Bram's displeasure, it was Garrett getting into the passenger seat. "We have soccer practice today," He said casually.

Bram just stared at him, once again feeling his heart rate increase to unbearable levels. He opened and closed his mouth several times until he could find the right words to say. After a few minutes of struggling Bram finally said, "I was feeling nauseated, and I just wanted to go home." As he spoke, he kept his head forward, avoiding Garrett's eyes.

Bram could hear Garrett take a deep breath like he was nervous too. What does that mean? He thought to himself. After several more minutes of silence and the tension in the car reaching uncomfortable levels, Garrett broke the silence and said, just above a whisper, "Bram, we need to talk."

Bram closed his eyes again and felt like his throat was closing; he was struggling to breathe. Garrett noticed the tension and felt the waves of anxiousness coming off of Bram. So he slowly places his hand on his shoulder, to act as an anchor to keep Bram grounded. "Bram take a few deep breaths. Inhale for four seconds, yeah just like that, now hold in it for seven seconds. You're doing great, Bram, now exhale for eight seconds. Perfect, can you do it again?" Garrett said softly, never letting his hand leave his shoulder.

"Concentrate on your breathing. You're doing great, Bram. Just keep going," Garrett said, continuing to talk slowly and softly.

When Bram finally calmed down, he handed him his water bottle. "Drink some water, it might help you feel better," Garrett said. Bram, still avoiding his eyes, took the water bottle from him and took slow sips.

"Feel better?" Garrett asked.

Bram just nodded his, before saying, "I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"For not telling you sooner," he said sadly, slowly, so slowly, turning to look at him.

"Don't apologize. You don't have to apologize, not for this. I'm not upset that you didn't tell me, and I don't care if you're gay. You are still my best friend, Bram," Garrett said softly, his smile wide.

"Thank you, Garrett," Bram said, eyes shining brightly.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Garrett spoke. "So you're Blue...Are you going to tell Simon or the others?"

Bram let out a deep sigh. "I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to come out to everyone, but you heard Simon! He's in love with Blue....and if I'm honest with myself, I think I love him too, but everything is so confusing. I don't know what to do," his voice broke, as he looked towards Garrett, hoping he would tell him what to do.

"I can't tell you what to do, you have to figure it out yourself, but I will support, whatever decision you end up making."

They stared at each other for another moment, before Bram put the car in reverse, pulling out of the parking spot. "Want to come over later? I have an essay to write for AP Lit, but you can play on the PlayStation if you want."

Garrett smiled and nodded in reply. The drive to Bram's house in silence, while Garrett chose the next song to play on Bram's iPod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how many chapters this will have, but I'm gonna try to upload sooner this time. I'm in the last semester of getting my A.A. degree, so I don't know when I'll find the time to upload, but I'll try to make it sooner this time around.


End file.
